You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i now understand why vodka
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
