Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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