she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
