I accidentally had phone sex last night
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
