My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
