I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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