it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
