Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
