watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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