we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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