so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
