1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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