Pappa wants mamma naked
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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