sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
