I think I just saw someone hide a body.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
