just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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