He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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