i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
