Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
