Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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