Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
