I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
