I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
