did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
