Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
