Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
