Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
