watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize