I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
