i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize