I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
