Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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