Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
