when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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