i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
