Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A+ Viking dick
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
