I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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