My friends, they love my intelligence
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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