Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
