Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
