Just fell off a train. Bad.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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