I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
