Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it's like heaven, but drunker
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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