I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
