Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
