I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
