Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
