Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
