Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
