I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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