nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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