God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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