i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
