Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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