I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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