I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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