Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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