so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
