Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i dont even know how to be here
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
