quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
