i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
