I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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