You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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