just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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