My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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