Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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