I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
