No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
