so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
