How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
